I really am one of the lucky ones

We may not have the traditional love story that movies are made of, and it honestly may not be one
that others dream of having, but after everything, I honestly wouldn't change a thing.
My favorite love story truly is our own and I am definitely one of the lucky ones.

Today I decided I wanted to focus on the man I thank God for everyday and who I will forever try and be deserving of since I somehow became the lucky one he chose. If you're not a fan of a super cornfest, you may want to skip this one as I'm going to probably be the corniest I will ever be. Honest with everything I say, but corny nonetheless.

In a world where cancer is rampant and everyone is affected in one way or another, our story is nothing special. People all around the world have dealt with great pains, losses and unimaginable strifes that no one should have to go through. While we've had our fair share of pains and loss, my husband is thankfully still here and I truly thank God for that every single day.

March 4, 2011- I finally found the man of my dreams. Granted I found him at the age of 24 when he was 25 so the word "finally" is going to sound a little ridiculous to some people. Nonetheless, it felt like I had been waiting a lifetime for Hermes to walk into my life.

I had conversations with friends that I didn't know if my perfect match existed; maybe I was being too picky, maybe I expected too much. I wanted someone who was kind, smart, funny, handsome, challenged me when I was being ridiculous, but also knew when to hold me and let me be when needed.

I wanted the impossible. And then...... the impossible showed up.

It was almost inevitable how quickly we fell in love. He truly does complete me (damn you Jerry Maguire)... He makes me laugh, makes me feel intelligent (not just smart, but actually thought provoking), thinks I'm funny (actually laughs with me, not always at me), he makes me feel beautiful all the time (even with no makeup, no shower, no cute clothes), he challenges me to be a better person, a better daughter, sister, friend, soul mate. Our relationship is easy. We are always on the same page, can read each other's thoughts, can tease one another and just sit together without having to say a word. On the rare occasion we actually do bicker,  our anger never lasts much longer than an hour and we are both so quick to admit we're wrong and apologize and we instantly go back to laughing about something else (chimichanga babe).

I naively thought that finding the perfect man who made me whole in every way was going to be the real challenge in life; little did I know that finding him would turn out to be the easy part.

Fast forward to May 15, 2013, three weeks before our wedding. Hermes hadn't been feeling well and had a swollen lymph node that wouldn't go away for two months. He had a couple biopsies and on this day, we received the news we'd never expected; my now 27 year old soon to be husband had cancer.

Hermes was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Now this type of cancer has a great survival rate and even a great cure rate so it sounds like it might not be that bad, but Hermes was diagnosed Stage III and that scared the crap out of me.

Stage III Hodgkin's Lymphoma meant that Hermes would need to endure 6 months of chemotherapy and would start the week after our wedding; not exactly the honeymoon period everyone dreams about.

After the first two treatments, I could see my new husband was getting sicker and sicker and was starting to dread chemo days. In an effort to make him hate these days less, I decided I wanted to do a chemo present box. I started buying little secret random gifts that I thought might make him feel better and give him something to look forward to at the end of treatment days. I gathered golf balls, golf shirts, pajama pants (the man has the longest freaking legs in the world and all of his pants manage to be 6 inches too short), board games (anyone who knows my husband knows he is obsessed with games and game night), surprise tickets to the ACC football championship where his beloved Duke Blue Devils were playing and more. For his third treatment, I handed him a card stating that I was so proud of him and knew he would get through this. The card went on to say that in order to give him something to look forward to on these dreaded days, he would get to go home and choose a wrapped gift from the giant box in our dining room after each treatment. While it wasn't much, it seemed to make him feel a little better and even made him smile (although I have to admit that the pajama pants I got still managed to make him look prepared for a flood...I digress...)

For those who have gone through chemo before, I have so much admiration for you. I knew that chemo was poison and that it was going to kill off good cells just as much as the bad ones, but I wasn't fully prepared for how it would truly affect Hermes. His skin color changed and became paler and gray, his hair and eyebrows started to fall out, his eyes didn't shine as bright, there were times he felt so weak I would have to help him off the couch just so he could use the restroom, and more. Yet through it all, my unbelievably strong new groom never complained, truly not once. He pushed through it all and even worked full time with a resident schedule caring for his own patients more than himself. Truly, through 6 months of chemo, my hero of a husband only missed around 5 days of work. Who does that??

There are no words to describe how proud I am of him or how much I admire him and what he's gone through and accomplished. He finished his last chemo treatment the week before Thanksgiving 2013 and was pronounced cancer free the week before Christmas 2013. There really is no greater present.

Months later, as if we needed a reminder to always be grateful, Hermes came home and just didn't seem quite like himself. I asked him what was wrong and he didn't want to tell me. I kept pressing and he finally told me that a 32 year old patient of his had been diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This man had gone through the same 6 months of chemo that Hermes had and it didn't work. He then had to go through another 6 months of a different type of chemo and that hadn't worked either. They did one last ditch effort of a different type of medication and unfortunately, his patient was gone... As Hermes is telling me this, I can feel the tears burning in my eyes and I look up at him and see the same. We talked about how sad we were for this patient's family and how selfishly, we knew that that could have been him...That realization hit like a load of bricks and has stuck with me. I know I could have lost the love of my life and the pain that that knowledge brings is suffocating. No matter the diagnosis, no matter the odds and statistics, there is always a chance it can go the other way. We need to always remember that and be thankful for the time we have and to use it wisely.

Hermes and I haven't had the easiest road to travel down thus far in our lives together, but I truly believe that I have had the best travel partner. We always say that nothing with us and our lives comes easy except us...And honestly, in today's world of cheating and violence, illness and divorce, we know we have something truly special. We also always say that out of anything that could come easy to people, we could not imagine anything better coming easy to us than our relationship. We really feel that we have something rare in this world that not everyone is lucky enough to find. Knowing that has gotten us through all of the trials and tribulations we've had to face thus far and we know it will help us continue to face any and all obstacles that stand in our way.

I wanted to end this post with a picture of my husband, my hero. I have a million to choose from and even thought of sharing some chemo photos or post chemo photos, but instead I'll leave it with this. This is the first photo Hermes and I ever took together. This was so early on in us dating, long before engagement, marriage, cancer, infertility, and miscarriage. This photo was back when our biggest problems and complaints were law school and med school exams or who's house we were going to play beer pong in that evening (obviously "the cabin").

I chose this photo because I love the excitement in my husband's eyes. This is the same excitement I saw the night of our wedding and then again the night I told him we were pregnant. I know I'll get to see that excitement again someday when we get pregnant again, and again when our miracle baby is born.

I love you babe, more than words can say. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me so thank you for being you and for always letting me be me.

My strong, resilient handsome man